Red.

It's nights like these that I ask myself why countless of times. It's been so long, and damn it's time to get over it. Yes, I know that. But I can't seem to do it.

Don't ask me why I still miss him. Don't tell me I shouldn't. Because I know I shouldn't, but I just do. I can't help it. It eats me up inside. It gets so damn overwhelming.

Sometimes I lie in bed and its like I can see and feel him next to me. Sometimes I walk down the places we once went and it all comes back. Sometimes I do certain things and I remember how it felt like when we used to do them together. Sometimes I find myself wishing for him.

I don't know how to say it, but I think I've opened a part of me I never knew existed. I've never knew I could feel so happy, so afraid, so worried, so jealous, so mad, and so weak.
Those emotions.. It's the worst and best things ever.

"Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say, sometimes I wna slap you in your whole face. There's no one quite like you, you push all my buttons down, I know life would suck without you. At the same I wna hug you, I wna wrap my hands around your neck, you're an asshole but I love you and you make me so mad I ask myself, why I'm still here, or where could I go, you're the only love I've ever known."

No one understands just how much he means to me. And I was never good at expressing that as well.

I'm a contradiction; sometimes I wish he's as miserable as I am, sometimes I wish he's more than just happy.